Abnormal
by DecidedlyPositive
Summary: Because no matter what anyone else thought, they definitely weren’t a normal couple. OkitaxKagura


**Disclaimer: I don't own Gintama, or any of the characters.**

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**Sickness**

Kagura was convinced that the Sadist made her utterly, totally, and completely sick. Every time she saw him coming towards her, her heart started thumping like mad—obviously a heart attack in the making. Whenever she traded blows with him, their hands brushing against each other on accident for the briefest of moments, a shiver ran down her spine—must be the flu. When she spoke with him, she sometimes became tongue-tied and ended up saying the first thing that came into her head—his stupidity must have been contagious.

"Gin-chan, I think I'm coming down with something," she confides worriedly one day. She explains. Gin looks at her for a long moment. Shakes his head. Goes back to sleep under his new edition of JUMP.

**Nickname**

"Monster girl." "Sadist." "Alien." "Shinsengumi bastard." "China." "Cold-hearted creep."

Kondo mistakenly observes how cute it is that the two have pet names for each other. One minute later, Kondo has two large lumps on his head and Okita and Kagura are careful to refer to each other only by their proper names, lest anyone else get the wrong idea about them.

**Excuse**

Shinpachi was thoroughly tired of the monthly rituals. Okita-san would show up with some trumped up reason, find some way to ignite Kagura-chan's temper (it wasn't really all that difficult), and instigate what would turn into a lengthy battle. Involving fists. Insults. Broken furniture. Blood splattering against the newly cleaned floors. Emergency trips to the hospital. What usually happened every time those two sadists were together.

He really wished those two would get over themselves and admit their undying love before it cost them a fortune in repairs.

**Growing**

Okita stares hard at his hated rival one day, trying to place exactly what was different about her. Was it the sudden tightness of her old clothing? The absence of baby fat on her smoothly pale face? The natural pinkness of her cheeks or the redness of her lips? The way that perverted men's eyes would unconsciously follow her when she went traipsing down the street with her oversized puppy dog?

It's only later that he realizes he's become one of those perverted men.

**Food**

It never ceased to amaze Okita how much the tiny alien girl could pack away. Or the devastating effect it had on his wallet whenever he was coerced into treating her to a meal. "Oi, China, keep eating like that and you're gonna look like a fat, pink walrus." She ignored his warnings, continuing to inhale everything on the table. "Yo, monster girl, guys won't want to marry you if you look like a pudgy walrus." She waved her hand at him in dismissal, intent on finishing her five plates of dango. Okita opened his mouth and then stopped for a moment, thoughtfully considering his last words. No one else _would_ want to marry her if she weighed five thousand pounds, right?

"Waitress, could I have twenty more dango plates?"

**Battle**

There were very few people Okita could claim presented a challenge to him in a fight. In fact, he could name them on one hand. Hijikata-san, _danna_, that bastard Katsura…and China. But, oddly enough, she was the only one he got any _real_ intense pleasure from fighting. Seeing her lithe body twisting and moving in perfect tandem with his, seeing her flushed face and gleaming eyes as she tried to connect her fist with his gut, hearing her exhilarated battle cries as she launched herself towards him—Okita had to say, in those moments, she was a damn sight prettier than any doll-like geisha or pleasure-district seductress.

And, for some reason, he didn't exactly fancy any other man witnessing her spirit in battle. So, he resolved to be the only one she would ever fight on a regular basis…even if it meant a few extra bruises here or there.

**Compatibility**

Kagura visits a fortuneteller on the outskirts of a fair that Gintoki takes her and Shinpachi to. To her disgust, it turns out to be a fortuneteller of love, but decides she might as well have her fortune told, since she was already there and all. After being told that she was most compatible with a blonde-haired, sadistic young man, Kagura grabs the fortune teller by his mystical shirt, threateningly tells him he better start being more accurate with his predictions _or else_, and storms out of the tent.

But no one sees the happy little smile curving her lips as she leaves.

**Marriage**

The Shinsengumi attempts to force Sougo into an arranged marriage with a princess from another planet in order to improve their relations (though, thankfully, it's not a gorilla princess). Kagura's reaction : "Pssh. It's not like the Sadist could've found some _willing_ girl to marry him, anyways. I feel bad for the princess, uh-huh." Sougo's reaction: "Ah, I'm glad she's nice and quiet. It's a good change from those ugly girls who yell your ear off and punch you for every little thing."

Neither one mentions the nauseating sinking feeling in their stomach when they hear the news. And neither one mentions the unparalleled delight that shoots through them when the wedding's called off a few days later.

**Jealousy**

All Okita hears from her pink little mouth is "Gin-chan, Gin-chan, Gin-chan". "Gin-chan said this" or "Gin-chan does that" and "I love Gin-chan more than anyone in the world!". Sickening. Disgusting. He can't help but wonder what the world has come to, when girls idolize lazy, white-haired good-for-nothings over keepers of the peace.

But it's not really his fault that his hand has a habit of accidentally slipping and smacking the silver-haired samurai on the head whenever he sees him. Just an involuntary reaction caused by unexplainable muscle spasms.

**Alien**

Kagura couldn't exactly figure how she was even _remotely attracted_ to that vicious Shinsengumi. Apart from his crappy personality and his love of killing cute, fluffy animals, he was _human_. Not that she had anything against humans, 'cause she loved Gin-chan and Shinpachi lots, but the fact remained that they were still of different species. She was _Yato_, and he was not. He was a _human_, and she was not. They were born on different planets for a reason, she reflected miserably. If the Amanto had never invaded Earth, she never even would've met him.

Her mind always reminded her of this detail, but somehow her heart always forgot about it when she was near him. Dammit!

**Stalker**

Kagura always wondered why Gin-chan received a large supply of sugary, chocolate parfaits from a mysterious benefactor every time before she went on a date. She always told Gin-chan when someone had asked her out, just to make sure he didn't have a heart attack when a boy came to the door asking for her. Eventually she just shrugged, accepting it as one of those weird occurrences of life. Little did she know that the waiter at that one restaurant, the kindly old man reading a newspaper in the park she had walked in with her date once, and the attendant at the karaoke place a guy had gone to with her were all the same person.

Gin sometimes pondered the ethics of telling Okita-kun every time Kagura had a date in return for a bribe, but quickly forgot when faced with the prospect of a large supply of parfaits.

**Fear**

Beyond all else, Okita feared taking her away from her largely sheltered life with _danna_ and exposing her to even more danger than usual. Granted, she had her share of adventures while working at the Yorozuya, but the life of a hated Shinsengumi captain wasn't exactly free from high risk. Beyond all else, it was this fear that kept the normally decisive and confident Shinsengumi captain from trying to move forwards with her, instead resigning himself to the position as her rival forever. Strangely enough, Hijikata-san is the one to change his mind.

"I did something stupid, Sougo, by not telling Mitsuba-san how I…well, I'm just saying, don't be a stupid idiot. Better that you're happy for a while than not at all."

**Luck**

Okita supposed it was his own fault that she didn't believe him when he finally told her. She said it rather plainly too. "Stop being a deceiving bastard and tell me what you really want, Sadist." "I'm hurt, China. Trying to show you my better nature and getting brutally shot down." "You don't have a better nature, uh-huh. I know what you really are." Okita sighed, and resolutely turned to go. Oh well. If you first don't succeed, try again another time after giving the object of your affections time to stew on whether you were being truthful or not. He stops abruptly when he hears her voice, uncharacteristically hesitant and honest.

"But…it's your luck that I know what you really are, and like you anyways, uh-huh."

**Family**

Sougo didn't have a family anymore. His beloved elder sister had passed away long ago, and his parents were only a shadow of a memory now. Unfortunately, Kagura _did_ have a family—a family made up of a deadly free-lance alien hunting father and bloodthirsty, semi-insane brother, both of whom were a little overprotective of her when it came to men.

Kagura cheerfully advises him to sleep with both eyes open for a while, just in case of a surprise visit paid to him in the dead of night.

**Warning**

Okita receives his fair share of warnings when he decides to embark upon a relationship, regardless of its nature, with Kagura. Gin yawns, merely shrugging when told. After Shinpachi elbows him viciously, he says his required "Oi. Make her cry and I'll make _you_ cry" spiel. Shinpachi, his glasses shining menacingly, throws in his two cents of, "Okita-san, I sincerely hope you aren't fooling around. You _do_ know who Kagura-chan's father is, right?" Okita has to wonder why _he's_ the only one receiving the death threats. Kagura hadn't been yelled at _once_ in regards to him.

Kagura tells him it's because he has an untrustworthy face, and _she'd_ be suspicious of him if _her_ daughter decided to date him too.

**Kiss**

Kagura is irritated that the bastard _still_ calls her "China". She asks him about his one day, sitting in the grass beside him while he's napping, his scary, red eye-cover on his face. "Sadist. What's my name?" She can't tell if he's looking at her or not.

"China."

"It's Kagura, dammit!"

"It's supposed to be a term of endearment, stupid."

"Why can't you call me sweetie or somethin' then, like _normal_ couples?"

"We're not exactly normal, if you haven't noticed, China."

"But—"

She's abruptly silenced when Okita reaches over, pulls her on top of him, and kisses her.

She decides she doesn't mind the name so much anymore.

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**So, this was just a little piece I wrote late at night (I guess when I'm not sleepy, my mind automatically drifts into fanfiction mode :P ). It's kind of a counterpart to the one I wrote about Gin and Kagura, only I decided to write it about Okita and Kagura this time, cause I love those two more than any other couple. **

**I appreciate constructive criticism, helpful tips, or just plain ol' happy comments, so please leave a review!**


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